Evidentiary Support
| Learning Objective: - Identify evidentiary support in a persuasion essay.
- Determine when a persuasion essay needs more or less evidentiary support.
- Use a formal outline to identify missing evidence and analysis in a persuasion essay.
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LESSON
In a criminal trial, a defendant cannot be convicted unless the prosecution is able to provide enough relevant evidence to convince the jury that the suspect is guilty of whatever he or she is accused of doing. In the United States, the prosecution must prove its case "beyond reasonable doubt." If it does not, the defendant will likely walk away free. When writing a persuasion essayA writing that takes a position for or against something and tries to convince the reader to accept the same view. Also called an argument essay., your role is similar to that of the prosecutor's. You must provide adequate support to convince your readers that your argumentA set of statements or reasons making a case for or against something. has merit. At the same time, you should not fill your essayA short piece of writing that focuses on at least one main idea. Some essays are also focused on the author's unique point of view, making them personal or autobiographical, while others are focused on a particular literary, scientific, or political subject. with so much evidenceFacts, statistics, or expert testimony that supports a claim. that your own argument gets lost.
In this lesson, you will learn three techniques to help you evaluate whether you have provided the right amount of evidentiary supportEvidence that supports the claims or viewpoints expressed in an essay and helps convince readers that an argument has merit. Evidentiary support may take the form of facts and statistics, expert opinions, or anecdotal evidence. to persuade your reader of the validity of your claimA statement that something is true, such as the thesis of an essay. A successful writer must present evidence to prove his/her claim..
1. Create an outline from your rough draft.
OutliningA preliminary plan for a piece of a writing, often in the form of a list. It should include a topic, audience, purpose, thesis statement, and main and supporting points. is a tool that is usually utilized early in the writing process—before writing a first draft—to help organize ideas and formulate arguments. However, you can also use outlining further along in essay development—after writing a rough draftThe first version of a writing that will undergo rewriting, additions, and editing before it becomes the final draft.—to help identify holes in your thinking and gaps in your writing.
2. Identify the topic sentence, evidence, and analysis in each paragraph.
Identifying the topic sentenceA sentence that contains the controlling idea for an entire paragraph and is typically the first sentence of the paragraph., evidence, and analysisTo analyze is to make a thoughtful and detailed study of something. An analysis is the end result of analyzing. is a good way to evaluate the balance of evidence in your essay. One method for doing this is to assign each element a different color of highlighting. Then, using highlighting pens or the highlighting tools in your word processing program, color-code the elements. For example, use red for all topic sentences, yellow for all evidentiary support, and blue for all analysis. Once you've color-coded the entire essay, take a look at the distribution of the three colors. If a paragraph contains only one or two of the colors, you know you may need to add to your essay to balance it out. If you find a paragraph is mainly evidence, you will likely need to remove it, move it within the essay, and/or balance it out with more analysis. Ideally, you should have a good balance of evidence to support your topic sentence—using factsA piece of information that can be proven. Something that is true and indisputable., expertSomeone who is very knowledgeable about a topic. opinionPoint of view that shows a personal belief or bias and cannot be proven to be completely true., and anecdotesA brief, interesting story that writers often use to demonstrate a point within a work.—and your analysis should explain why your evidence is pertinent.
Example:
Opponents to organic farming argue that it is not as sustainable as its conventional counterpart; however, new research demonstrates that organic farming's benefits outweigh those of conventional farming. A 2011 study by the Rodale Institute reveals that organic farming produces higher yields than conventional agriculture; and contrary to popular belief, organic farming is also less expensive. Additionally, organic farming contributes to healthier soil and produces less greenhouse gasses.
As you can see from the color-coded paragraph above, the authorA person who wrote a text. clearly stated her main ideaThe most important or central thought of a reading selection. It also includes what the author wants the reader to understand about the topic he or she has chosen to write about., and then provided evidence that supported her claim; however, she did not analyze her data to show how the evidence supported her argument. She will need to go back and add analysis of the evidence to balance her essay.
3. Ask another person to read your essay and ask you questions about your argument.
If you have adequate and relevant evidence that supports the claims you make, the reader will likely not have very many questions; however, if the reader is confused about any of your points, be open to the idea that you have not adequately defended your position. Encourage your reader to take the opposing side to your argument. Try to defend your argument without referring to your essay. Have your reader note any arguments that you cannot defend or any points that you make that are not currently in your essay; these are the areas that you will need to focus on for your final draftThe last version of a writing that has been revised, edited, and proofread..
It is not possible or even desirable for all the arguments in a persuasion essay to carry exactly the same weight. But in general, balanced arguments make an essay more convincing. Points that have noticeably less support give the impression of weakness, and can cast doubt on the entire viewpoint. Arguments that have too much evidence can overwhelm and bore readers. The ideal argument has just enough evidence to be convincing and memorable with just one reading.
+ PRACTICAL APPLICATIONRecognizing proper evidentiary support is necessary for effective argumentation as well as difficult decision making, particularly when it comes to important issues. For example, controversial topics such as global warming, raising the minimum wage, affirmative action policies, using human subjects for drug and device research, and funding for the arts are all subjects that may arise in the academic or work setting. Knowing how to recognize valid evidence is important to making your own arguments convincing in the classroom or to your boss.
Reasonable people may question your argument. It is essential to have the knowledge to back up your claims for the sake of your credibilityDescribes a person who is trusted and able to be believed; reliable. and reputation; however, it is equally vital to practice this skill so that you can recognize those claims made by others that lack validity.
Activity A
Read the start of a rough outline for a persuasion essay below and consider if the essay needs more or less evidentiary support. (Note: the citations in this outline are not style-specific.)
- Introductory Paragraph
- Thesis: Payday loan businesses are designed to trap vulnerable people in a cycle of debt and should be regulated or legislated out of business.
- Body Paragraphs
- Counterarguments
- Opposing viewpoint 1: Payday loans provided a needed service to people who are poor.
- Opposing viewpoint 2: In a bad economy, many people don't have savings and need somewhere to turn when there's an emergency.
- Opposing viewpoint 3: Payday loans are small and short term, the kind of loans banks do not offer.
- Main Supporting Point 1: Payday loan businesses exploit people at their most vulnerable.
- Evidence: They charge high interest rates because they know their customers have few other choices. A survey by the Pew Trust found that 37% of borrowers take out payday loans no matter how bad the terms are because they are desperate.
- Evidence: They intentionally market their services to people with a history of financial instability. Ads explicitly state that those with no or bad credit are welcome. (personal observation)
- Evidence: Many are chains with multiple locations as well as online and by phone options. The application process is quick and money is given out on the spot. This makes getting a loan very tempting, and gives consumers little time to think it over or review the terms. (The Monitor, 01 June 2014)
- Evidence: These businesses target minority communities. They are eight times more common in African-American and Latino neighborhoods than in white areas. (Consumer Federation of America)
- Evidence: The fees are deceptive. Twenty-five or fifty dollars for a loan seems like a small amount that would be easy to pay back. Most people don't understand the power of compounding interest. (Consumer Federation of America)
- Evidence: 55% of borrowers feel that payday businesses take advantage of them, but 62% of them say they'll borrow again anyway because they have to. (CNN 2014)
- Evidence: The average loan is only $375, which means the people involved are very cash-strapped. (CNN 2014)
- Main Supporting Point 2: The business model is based on trapping customers in a cycle of debt.
- Evidence: The short term of loans means they roll over quickly, so interest and fees add up fast. (Federal Trade Commission)
- Evidence: Lenders can collect payments from borrowers' bank accounts and wages, or through collections agencies, all of which encourage people who can't pay off one loan to take out another and another. (Federal Trade Commission)
- Evidence: Many payday loans are made to repeat customers, who have to take out new loans to pay off old ones (CNN 2014)
In the outline above, Section B is visually much longer than Section C. That is one sign that there could be an imbalance. But it takes more than a glance or word counting to recognize and correct imbalance.
Too much evidence. Section B has several minor supporting details, and that's just the outline. By the time all these ideas are described and analyzed in the essay itself, this will be an extremely long paragraph. There is a good chance your main idea will get lost and the reader will lose interest.
It is important to be selective about the evidence you choose to include in your essay. First, make sure that all of the evidence directly supports the thesis as well as the main idea of the paragraph you are considering. Remove any material that wanders off the point.
For example, the number of outlets and the ease of getting a payday loan do not necessarily mean the businesses are exploiting vulnerable people. Those statements can be removed.
Once you've weeded out off-topic evidence, it's time to get rid of less important ideas. A few well-stated points will have much more impact than an information dump. Pick out the strongest evidence and make sure it is described and analyzed so the reader will appreciate its importance.
In Section B, the abundance of stores in minority communities and the difficulty people have understanding interest rates are less compelling evidence of exploitation than the facts and figures about the actual borrowers.
Additionally, reviewing the outline shows that evidence is the only information covered in the first supporting point; it lacks analysis. This is a good time to go back and fill in gaps in your argument by providing adequate analysis that shows why your evidence is important.
A more balanced Section B might look like this:
- Main Supporting Point 1: Payday loan businesses exploit people at their most vulnerable.
- Evidence: They charge high interest rates because they know their customers have few other choices. A survey by the Pew Trust found that 37% of borrowers take out payday loans no matter how bad the terms are because they are desperate.
- Evidence: They intentionally market their services to people with a history of financial instability. Ads explicitly state that those with no or bad credit are welcome. (personal observation)
- Evidence: 55% of borrowers feel that payday businesses take advantage of them, but 62% of them say they’ll borrow again anyway because they have to (CNN 2014).
- Evidence: The average loan is only $375, which means the people involved are very cash-strapped (CNN 2014).
- Analysis: The need for relatively small loans just to meet the basic costs of living is proof that most customers are extremely cash-strapped.
- Analysis: Most customers are using the money for things like utility bills and rent, not emergencies. This means they are folks who are living right on or just over the edge of poverty.
Not enough evidence. Moving on to the rest of the outline, Section C is not only short, but significantly shorter than Section B and shorter even than the counterargument in Section A. This section has little in the way of facts and figures and simply does not have enough evidence to convince most readers of the main points. A few lines of evidence may be all it takes to make a case. But in general, readers need more than a couple of sentences to be persuaded, especially if the topic is controversial.
When an argument is weak, begin by asking yourself if it is an argument worth making in the first place. Is it weak on evidence because there really isn't much to say? If so, consider discarding that line of attack altogether and finding a better supported one. If you think it is an important argument, then you must make it stronger by adding more evidence. Doing more research is an obvious step. However, do not overlook the work you have already done. Review your draft or outline in search of evidence that would be more appropriate in areas where you need more support. Regrouping the information you already have may be enough to make a balanced and convincing argument.
For example, some of the evidence dropped for being unhelpful to Section B actually works well to support Section C. Also, this is the time to identify and fill in gaps where analysis should be added.
A more balanced argument for Section C might look like this:
- Main Supporting Point 2: The business model is based on trapping customers in a cycle of debt.
- Evidence: The application process is quick and money is given out on the spot. This makes getting a loan very tempting, and gives consumers little time to think it over or review the terms.
- Evidence: The short term of loans means they roll over quickly, so interest and fees add up fast. (Federal Trade Commission)
- Evidence: The fees are deceptive. Twenty-five or fifty dollars for a loan seems like a small amount that would be easy to pay back. Most people don't understand the power of compounding interest. (Consumer Federation of America)
- Evidence: Lenders can collect payments from borrowers' bank accounts and wages, or through collections agencies, all of which encourage people who can't pay off one loan to take out another and another. (Federal Trade Commission)
- Evidence: Many payday loans are made to repeat customers, who have to take out new loans to pay off old ones. (CNN 2014)
- Analysis: Doing business, especially repeat business, with a company you know is exploiting you is a sure sign of desperation.
- Analysis: Each loan may be short, but since most customers have to borrow again and again, they end up paying a great deal of interest.
- Analysis: Since fees and unpaid interest get rolled into each subsequent loan, the debt balloons very quickly.
Activity B
Read the following paragraphs, which are part of a rough draft of an essay on the topic of payday loan business. After you read, consider the balance of evidence and analysis within and between paragraphs. The sentences are numbered for easy reference. (Note: this essay is not style-specific.)
In the example below, topic sentences are red, evidence is yellow, and analysis is blue.
Thesis: Payday loan businesses are designed to trap vulnerable people in a cycle of debt, and should be regulated or legislated out of business.
1. Payday loan businesses deliberately exploit the desperate and the vulnerable. 2. They market their services to people with a history of bad financial decisions: we've all seen the ads announcing that those with no or bad credit are welcome. 3. According to studies conducted by the Pew trust and reported by CNN, the costs are deceptive—while the upfront fees are fairly small, the interest rates are actually very high. 4. The average loan is only $375, and most are used to pay for ongoing expenses like utility bills and rent, not for emergencies. 5. The need for relatively small loans just to meet the basic costs of living is proof that most customers are extremely cash-strapped, living right on or just over the edge of poverty. 6. Surveys show that 55% of borrowers feel that payday businesses take advantage of them, but 62% of them say they'll borrow again anyway because they have no other choice (Pew Trust). 7. Applying for a payday loan is fast and easy: it can be done in person, online, or over the phone, and the money is handed over immediately. 8. Doing business, especially repeat business, with a company you know is exploiting you is a sure sign of desperation. 9. Payday businesses are concentrated overwhelmingly in minority communities; they are eight times more common in African-American and Latino neighborhoods than in predominately white neighborhoods, according to the Consumer Federation of America.
10. Payday loan companies defend their high interest rates by pointing out that loans are short term, so the actual dollar amounts are small (CNN). 11. However, their business model is based on trapping customers in a cycle of debt. 12. The Federal Trade Commission points out that the short term of loans means they roll over quickly, so interest and fees add up fast. 13. It also says that lenders can collect payments from borrowers' bank accounts and wages, which forces people who can't pay off one loan to take out another. 14. More than 75% of payday loans are to people taking out new loans to cover the original one (CNN).
15. There are better solutions to cash flow problems than payday loans. 16. Tightly regulating or even eliminating pay day loan businesses would encourage people to seek out better options. 17. For example, credit cards have much lower rates of interest and no extra fees as long as monthly minimum payments are met. 18. It can be awkward to borrow money from family or friends, but most will be willing to lend a hand when an emergency happens, and won't take you to court after two weeks! 19. The best solution of all, of course, is to learn to follow a budget and live within your means. 20. Most expenses are not unexpected, and most people can almost always find ways to spend a little less.
This color coding makes it clear that there is a lot of evidence in the first paragraph—probably too much. It is mostly a series of facts instead of a few strong, well-presented points. Use the topic sentence as a guide, and remove evidence that does not address that statement clearly. Sentences 3, 7, and 9 are somewhat unconnected points that bulk up the argument without making it more powerful. Once they are removed, the paragraph is more balanced and memorable:
1. Payday loan businesses deliberately exploit the desperate and the vulnerable. 2. They market their services to people with a history of bad financial decisions: we've all seen the ads announcing that those with no or bad credit are welcome. 4. The average loan is only $375, and most are used to pay for ongoing expenses like utility bills and rent, not for emergencies. 5. The need for relatively small loans just to meet the basic costs of living is proof that most customers are extremely cash-strapped, living right on or just over the edge of poverty. 6. Surveys show that 55% of borrowers feel that payday businesses take advantage of them, but 62% of them say they'll borrow again anyway because they have no other choice (Pew Trust). 8. Doing business, especially repeat business, with a company you know is exploiting you is a sure sign of desperation.
The second paragraph has important facts, but no analysis to tie them all together with the main point. Since all the evidence is relevant, the best solution is to keep the facts and add analysis:
10. Payday loan companies defend their high interest rates by pointing out that loans are short term, so the actual dollar amounts they charge are small: 11. However, their business model is based on trapping customers in a cycle of debt. 12. The Federal Trade Commission points out that the short term of loans means they roll over quickly, so interest and fees add up fast. 13. It also says that lenders can collect payments from borrowers' bank accounts and wages, which forces people who can't pay off one loan to take out another. 14. More than 75% of payday loans are to people taking out new loans to cover the original one (CNN). Loan companies claim that long-term interest rates are irrelevant because the loans are all short term are a smokescreen to hide how borrowers get trapped in a vicious cycle. Each loan may be short, but since most customers have to borrow again and again, they end up paying a great deal of interest. And since fees and unpaid interest get rolled into each subsequent loan, the debt balloons very quickly.
In the third paragraph, the argument is almost all analysis with few facts to back it up. When your topic sentence is longer than your evidence, your opinions will not persuade anyone to take you seriously. This problem can be fixed by including more evidence, and perhaps easing off analysis that can seem like lecturing:
15. There are better solutions to cash flow problems than payday loans. 16. Tightly regulating or even eliminating payday loan businesses would encourage people to seek out better options. 17. For example, credit cards have much lower rates of interest and no extra fees as long as monthly minimum payments are met. The Consumer Federation of America suggests that non-credit solutions to financial problems are an even better idea. It recommends trying to work out payment plans with creditors, and looking into government and non-profit assistance programs. 18. It can be awkward to borrow money from family and friends, or embarrassing to ask for charity, and taking out a payday loan may seem like an easier solution. But these other lenders actually want you to get out of debt, and they won't take you to court after two weeks! 19. The best solution of all, of course, is to learn to make a budget and live within it.
Activity A
Read the start of the formal outline for a persuasion essay below, and look for balance in each of the three main supporting points. (Note: the citations in this outline are not style-specific.)
- Introductory Paragraph
- Thesis: Local economies are damaged when independent businesses are pushed out by big-box companies.
- Body Paragraphs
- Main Supporting Point 1: When a big-box store moves into a city, small, independent businesses are driven out.
- Evidence: Ten years ago, Shop-Big came to my small Iowa town, and nothing here has been the same since.
- Evidence: Shop-Big's PR people said everyone would prosper because people would come from out of town to shop, but none of them came downtown. Then they just built another Shop-Big in the next town anyway.
- Evidence: Shop-Big undercut our prices. My dad's pharmacy lost most of his customers, and so did many other businesses. Several of them ended up closing.
- Main Supporting Point 2: Big-box stores mean fewer jobs, lower wages, and reduced benefits.
- Evidence: Study after study has shown that when big-box stores arrive, jobs are lost overall. A 2008 report in the Journal of Urban Economics said that for every new retail job created by Shop-Big, 1.4 jobs are lost as existing businesses downsize or close.
- Evidence: Some of the people who used to work in my dad's store got a job with Shop-Big, but none of them seem very happy about it.
- Evidence: Everyone thought that Shop-Big would mean a lot more jobs, but that didn't happen. That never happens.
- Main Supporting Point 3: Big-box stores cost cities more money than they bring in, which drags down the local economy.
- Evidence: My town agreed to give Shop-Big tax breaks so it would build a store here. They said we would get the money back and more in taxes and economic growth.
- Evidence: Big-box stores get millions of dollars in subsidies up front. In order to get the stores to locate there, cities promise them large tax rebates, favorable land deals, and publicly paid infrastructure.
- Evidence: Studies cited in the Economic Development Quarterly show that in many cases cities spend more money providing public safety and road maintenance services to big-box stores than they get back in taxes. In contrast, small "main street" kinds of businesses pay more in taxes than they use in services.
- Evidence: National chain stores send most of their money out of town to corporate headquarters and distant suppliers, while independent stores spend more of their profits on local goods and services. Roughly 52% of revenue from independent retailers stays with their communities, compared to only 14% of the money spent in national chain stores. Journal of Urban Economics, 2010
- Evidence: Big-box stores lower property values. Home prices drop in neighborhoods around the stores because of traffic, noise, and poor views. Commercial real estate takes a hit as the number of closed stores and vacant buildings in older shopping districts rise. Social Science Quarterly, June 2006
- Evidence: Big-box stores don't give back to their communities, donating less than half as much money to local charities as small businesses do. Social Science Quarterly, June 2006
- Analysis: The benefits promised by the superstores rarely come through.
First, which section(s) of the outline need more evidence and/or analysis? What specific things would you add or change to make them more balanced?
Sections A and B don't have enough evidence to support the topic sentence. Neither of them have analysis.
In Section A, the writer describes how some businesses in her town were harmed by the opening of a big-box store, but that isn't enough to make the case that it is a common outcome. She needs to add evidence showing that the problem is more widespread, and not just an isolated event. The argument also needs more analysis of just how the big stores take customers away from the smaller ones.
In Section B, there is one strong piece of evidence that big-box stores cost jobs, but no proof that they hurt wages or benefits. These are serious claims that need more than a single data point to be persuasive. The writer should add more proof that big-box stores drive down jobs, wages, and benefits. Many studies have been done on the topic, so it should be easy to fully back up her main point.
Both sections need stronger evidence and corresponding analysis to show why the evidence is important.
Which section(s) of the outline have too much evidence? What specific things would you change to make them more balanced?
Section C has a lot of evidence and almost no analysis. It is unbalanced internally, and also in comparison to the other two arguments. The main point—that big-box stores cost cities more than they return—would stand out more clearly if the writer concentrated on comparing city expenses versus income. Information on charitable giving and property values could be moved elsewhere or eliminated. It also needs more analysis to convince the reader of the argument.
Activity B
Read the following paragraphs, which are part of a rough draft of an essay on the topic of the effect of big-box stores on local economies. After you read each paragraph, you'll compare the balance of evidence and analysis within the paragraph. The sentences are numbered for your reference. (Note: this essay is not style-specific.)
Paragraph 1
1. When a big box store moves into a city, small, independent businesses are driven out. 2. Ten years ago, Shop-Big came to my small Iowa town, and nothing here has been the same. 3. My father owned a pharmacy downtown and it was doing well, until Shop-Big undercut our prices. 4. My dad's store lost most of his customers, and so did many other businesses. 5. Some of Dad's customers wanted to keep shopping with us out of loyalty, but they couldn't afford to after their own businesses started losing money. 6. First the hardware store closed, and then the bookstore and the market. 7. The diner is still open, but almost all the waitresses got laid off because there isn't much of a lunch crowd these days. 8. Everyone said it was a shame what was happening, but they all just kept shopping at Shop-Big anyway, because they thought it was cheaper. 9. The same thing happens everywhere Shop-Big goes. 10. A 1996 research paper published by Iowa State University showed that when big-box stores open they pull more than 80% of their sales from local businesses, and only 14% from outside the county. 11. A study by the University of Chicago showed that when the first superstore opened there in 2006, 25% of local businesses around it closed within a few years. 12. According to U.S. Census data, as big-box stores have spread across the country, the number of small, local retailers has fallen by 40%. 13. Work published in the Journal of Urban Economics confirms that big-box stores have "large negative effects on nearby competing business including many store closures," and goes on to say that noncompeting businesses don't see an increase in sales or customers.
Identify the topic sentence, evidence, and analysis for paragraph 1.
Topic sentence: 1
Evidence: 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10, 11, 12, 13
Analysis: 2, 8, 9
1. When a big box store moves into a city, small, independent businesses are driven out. 2. Ten years ago, Shop-Big came to my small Iowa town, and nothing here has been the same. 3. My father owned a pharmacy downtown and it was doing well, until Shop-Big undercut our prices. 4. My dad's store lost most of his customers, and so did many other businesses. 5. Some of Dad's customers wanted to keep shopping with us out of loyalty, but they couldn't afford to after their own businesses started losing money. 6. First the hardware closed, and then the bookstore and the market. 7. The diner is still open, but almost all the waitresses got laid off because there isn't much of a lunch crowd these days. 8. Everyone said it was a shame what was happening, but they all just kept shopping at Shop-Big anyway, because they thought it was cheaper. 9. The same thing happens everywhere Shop-Big goes. 10. A 1996 research paper published by Iowa State University showed that when big-box stores open, they pull more than 80% of their sales from local businesses, and only 14% from outside the county. 11. A study by the University of Chicago showed that when the first superstore opened there in 2006, 25% of local businesses around it closed within a few years. 12. According to U.S. Census data, as big-box stores have spread across the country, the number of small, local retailers has fallen by 40%. 13. Work published in the Journal of Urban Economics confirms that big-box stores have "large negative effects on nearby competing business including many store closures," and goes on to say that noncompeting businesses don't see an increase in sales or customers.
Next, evaluate paragraph 1. Does it have too much or too little evidence or analysis, or is it just right? Describe how to fix any problems to balance and strengthen the essay.
The paragraph is unbalanced. There is too much evidence and not enough analysis. Much of the evidence is just a series of points from various studies that run together after the third or fourth report. It would be more effective to choose a few of the strongest studies and then discuss them instead of simply repeating their findings. This paragraph needs more analysis to show why the evidence is important.
Paragraph 2
1. Shop-Big promised that it would bring more jobs to town, but that didn't happen. 2. That never happens. 3. Big-box stores mean fewer jobs, lower wages, and reduced benefits. 4. Study after study has shown that when big-box stores arrive, jobs are lost overall. 5. A 2008 report in the Journal of Urban Economics said that for every new retail job created by superstores, 1.4 jobs are lost as existing businesses downsize or close.
Identify the topic sentence, evidence, and analysis for paragraph 2.
Topic sentence: 3
Evidence: 4, 5
Analysis: 1, 2
1. Shop-Big promised that it would bring a lot more jobs to town, but that didn't happen. 2. That never happens. 3. Big-box stores mean fewer jobs, lower wages, and reduced benefits. 4. Study after study has shown that when big-box stores arrive, jobs are lost overall. 5. A 2008 report in the Journal of Urban Economics said that for every new retail job created by superstores, 1.4 jobs are lost as existing businesses downsize or close.
Next, evaluate paragraph 2. Does it have too much or too little evidence or analysis, or is it just right? Describe how to fix any problems to balance and strengthen the essay.
This paragraph is much too short. There isn't enough evidence or analysis to make a compelling argument. The topic sentence makes several claims, but only addresses job loss, and not wages and benefits. Evidence that addresses all the claims is needed. Perhaps the studies eliminated for repetitiveness in the first paragraph have data that would support this point. The paragraph would also benefit from more of the analysis based on personal experience.
Paragraph 3
1. Big-box stores cost cities more money than they bring in, which drags down the local economy. 2. My town agreed to give Shop-Big tax breaks so it would build a store here. 3. They said we would get the money back and more in taxes and economic growth. 4. We didn't, and neither does any other town. 5. Studies show that in many cases cities spend more money providing public safety and road maintenance services to big-box stores than they get back in taxes. 6. In contrast, small "Main Street" kinds of businesses pay more in taxes than they use in services. 7. When most people shopped downtown, there wasn't any trouble. 8. We knew all of our customers, and they knew us, and everyone looked out for one another. 9. We made sure to keep the sidewalk out front clean and even helped keep up the trees and flowers in the median. 10. But it's different with Shop-Big. 11. It seems like the police are run ragged, getting called out repeatedly for shoplifters and traffic accidents. 12. Nobody who works there cares about the place and that giant parking lot and the neighborhood around it are always a mess. 13. The benefits promised by the superstores never add up. 14. Because of Shop-Big, my town doesn't feel like a community anymore, just a place to live.
Identify the topic sentence, evidence, and analysis for paragraph 3.
Topic sentence: 1
Evidence: 5, 6
Analysis: 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14
1. Big-box stores cost cities more money than they bring in, which drags the local economy down. 2. My town agreed to give Shop-Big tax breaks so it would build a store here. 3. They said we would get the money back and more in taxes and economic growth. 4. We didn't, and neither does any other town. 5. Studies show that in many cases cities spend more money providing public safety and road maintenance services to big-box stores than they get back in taxes. 6. In contrast, small "Main Street" kinds of businesses pay more in taxes than they use in services. 7. When most people shopped downtown, there wasn't any trouble. 8. We knew all of our customers, and they knew us, and everyone looked out for one another. 9. We made sure to keep the sidewalk out front clean and even helped keep up the trees and flowers in the median. 10. But it's different with Shop-Big. 11. It seems like the police are run ragged, getting called repeatedly for shoplifters and traffic accidents. 12. Nobody who works there cares about the place and that giant parking lot and the neighborhood around it are always a mess. 13. The benefits promised by the superstores never add up. 14. Because of Shop-Big, my town doesn't feel like a community anymore, just a place to live.
Next, evaluate paragraph 3. Does it have too much or too little evidence or analysis, or is it just right? Describe how to fix any problems to balance and strengthen the essay.
This paragraph is overloaded with anecdotal evidence, but is light on factual evidence. The argument would be more persuasive with some hard numbers on the difference in taxes and costs between big-box stores and local businesses. Some of the analysis, such as the author's feeling about her community, aren't relevant to the main point and should be removed and replaced with analysis of the stronger data.
How do you know if your evidence is sufficient?
I will know if the evidence I rely upon to make my arguments and support my reasoning is sufficient when others meet my arguments with head nods and affirmative comments. When my claims are met with skepticism and unanswerable questions, then it is highly likely that there are sizable gaps in my evidentiary support. I need to be able to convince others of my claim and to answer any questions to the satisfaction of all.
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